Tonight I experienced a profound duende that has lasted for the last 5 hours. I went to see a brilliant musician, Passenger, in the Garden of Unearthly Delights. It was my first proper outing since this cancer thing...I was very apprehensive about being out with people when my tears flow at the drop of a hat lately. I needn't have worried...I was transported into an alternate realm where the deepest emotions were at the core of humanity.
To be present to such a passionate display of authenticity was humbling and magical. The fear and grief of the last two weeks washed through me as my eyes filled with salt water and I took stock of my life. Instead of intellectualising the hard facts, I let the emotions gently bathe my soul and transcend cognitive demands.
It's been a long time since I've had one of these soul gripping moments when everything makes the most perfect, yet complex sense and I'm no longer a worry ridden body. When the very meaning of what it means to be human is simplicity, with no further explanation required. With Passenger's trembling soulful performance I connected with a life force that screamed that all of this other stuff didn't matter.
I have once again been gifted this delicious drive to express myself through art, through tears, through writing that has been niggling me for most of my life. I just want to cry out to this thickening in the air, the swirling stars of my imagination, the clutching at my heart. I need to be that person. I need to tell of my pain, my joy, my confusion, my passions, my desires. I need to know and be known.
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